


i need you so much closer

by RavenWhitecastle



Series: The Sinner and the Saint [15]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:49:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenWhitecastle/pseuds/RavenWhitecastle
Summary: John and Harold have been sleeping together for a little while, but John wants more. He just doesn't know how ask for it.-Songspiration: "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie





	i need you so much closer

The day was bright and sunny, a rare break in the grey April showers. John and Harold decided to take a break and bring Bear to the park. Harold had bought them vanilla ice cream cones, and they let Bear run around freely. It was nice, spending time outside in the daylight with Harold. They’d been “together” for a couple of weeks- meaning they’d been banging on every possible surface- but only away from prying eyes. But John like being out with Harold, being together, being seen.

When Bear got a little too friendly with a stray pedestrian, Harold stood and limped over ro rein him in. “Bear, _au pied_.” He laughed sheepishly and apologized, reattaching Bear’s leash. John watched from the bench and chuckled. It occurred to John that he wanted things to be like this for a long time. Not just ice cream in the park, and taking care of Bear, but actually spending time with Harold. No Machine, no numbers, just Harold.

But in all their time together, they’d never discussed anything more. Physically, Harold gave John almost everything he needed, outside of PDA. John was surprised at himself- being affectionate in public meant exposure to surveillance. But he was afraid to ask Harold for anything more. Harold had been engaged once, and even though John was sleeping with him, he wasn’t sure Harold had wholly moved on. All he knew was that every time he looked at Harold, he had an ache deep in his chest, and he didn’t know how to make it go away.

When Harold gestured at him to walk with him, John stood, and they started heading back to the library to put Bear away.

Harold didn’t fail to notice that John was more sullen and brooding than normal, shoulders hunched and hands shoved in his pockets despite the balmy spring weather. He tried to make small talk, but John thwarted him with monosyllabic answers, and Harold was made to worry.

When they got back to the library and Bear was curled up with a trashy romance novel that Harold had gotten purely for Bear’s amusement, Harold turned his attention to his partner. “You’re unsettlingly quiet,” he observed.

John shrugged one shoulder. “Worn out, I guess.”

Harold made a sympathetic noise and limped over to give John a peck on the cheek. Normally, affection would cheer him up, but when Harold leaned in to press his lips to Jon’s cheek, he swore John _flinched._

Harold pulled away, confused. “You don’t seem worn out,” he commented, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. He knew John didn’t like to talk about the things that bothered him, but it still stung a little when John lied, trying to keep his distance.

When his partner looked up and met his gaze, Harold’s heart lurched. John looked so _tired_ , and Harold longed to wipe away every line and crease from John’s face with loving, tender care. Pursing his lips, Harold made a decision. After a moment’s pause, he said, “Come with me.”

He held out his hand, and John contemplated it with gray eyes. “To the safehouse?”

Harold shook his head. “I’m going home,” he said softly, “I would like you to come with me, if you want.”

John seemed to perk up at the mention of home. Hesitantly, he reached out and took Harold’s hand. Harold led John downstairs and hailed them a cab.

The ride was quiet. The sun was setting. John was leaned up against the window, watching the city lights flying past. Harold wondered what was going through the other man’s head. They hadn’t ever gone home together, or spent the night together. Usually they ducked out to the safehouse and went their separate ways after, but Harold didn’t want to sleep with John tonight- tonight, he wanted to talk.

John had never seen Harold’s apartment. He couldn’t help taking in every detail while Harold removed and hung up their coats. It was… cozy, for lack of a better word. He wasn’t surprised to see more shelves and stacks of books on almost every surface. He saw a room with an impressive computer set-up behind a half-closed door, and a closed door to what must have been a bedroom. There was a small kitchen that Harold started bustling around. “Please, make yourself at home.” John took a seat on a stool next to the counter. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No,” he said. Harold raised an eyebrow at him. “Whiskey.”

Harold nodded, setting about fetching it. “I know that you and I are very private people,” he began, “and I respect your privacy the same way you respect mine.” He retrieved a glass and set it on the counter. “As your partner, I want you to be comfortable and open up in your own time.” Harold produced a square bottle and popped off the lid. “But… as your… _partner_ … I worry.” He poured a drink and pushed it across the counter. “I want to take care of you.”

John’s heart skipped a beat. He reached out and took the glass, ignoring the feeling in his chest. “I appreciate it.”

“And I would appreciate you being honest with me,” Harold replied, resting both hands on the counter, “I just want to help you, but I can’t do that unless you talk to me.”

John swallowed his drink in one go, waiting for the rush to let him speak his mind. He set the glass down and studied the stain in the bottom. Finally, he sighed. “I’ve tried to divide my feelings from the physical,” he said quietly, “but if you want to know what I want…”

He trailed off, and Harold nodded. “Yes, John. Anything.”

John swallowed, twirling the empty glass. “I want… more. More than just sex and kissing. I want to be with you, really with you, not just in the dark.” He felt faintly surprised to find his eyes were swimming. “I want a home to come home to that has you in it.”

There was a heavy silence that followed for what felt like an eternity. John waited with his heart pounding in his ears.

And then Harold laughed.

John blinked, startled. It wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting. “Did I say something funny?”

Harold shook his head, limping around the counter as fast as he could to take John’s hands in his own. “No, John, it’s not like that. I was just… I was worried it was something serious!” Harold chuckled, and oh dear lord John was _pouting_. “I mean, this IS serious, of course it’s serious, but…” He sighed, looking down at their intertwined hands. “I thought maybe you’d grown tired of me.”

It was John’s turn to laugh. He put his hand on Harold’s cheek, and Harold looked up at him. “I would never,” John murmured, “You are everything to me.” He paused. “So when you laughed, it was because…?”

Harold placed his hand over John’s. “Because I was relieved. Relieved and happy. I’m happy to give you all that you want and more.”

John was so overwhelmed with emotion, he didn’t know what to say. So he just buried his face, turning red, into Harold’s shoulder. Harold chuckled again and pulled him closer, wrapping his other arm around John’s waist.

After a moment, he whispered, “I love you, John.”

John shuddered against him. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long gap between pieces, I've been debating the order for the rest of the series and trying to figure out what to do moving forwards. I know this piece is short- I hope you like it anyway. I know it's overly fluffy, but like everyone else, I want these idiots to be happy!  
> "Au pied"=heel in Dutch


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